A Birth Certificate shows
that we were born.
A Death Certificate shows that we died.
Pictures show that we lived!
Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly.
I Believe...
That just because two people argue,
doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
we understand that friends change.
I Believe...
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I Believe...
That you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.
I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with
loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe...
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe....
That we are responsible for what
we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I Believe...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I Believe...
That my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time.
I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you When you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had,
and what you've learned from them.....and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe...
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
out a secret. It could change your life Forever.
I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, if
a friend cries out to you........you will find the strength to help.
I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
I Believe...
That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in. I just did.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything.
Thanks to all the wonderful people who help us throughout the journey of life.
Showing posts with label Good Article. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Good Article. Show all posts
03 March 2009
27 February 2009
Wishes to My Dear Friend
我對佛說... I was talking to the Buddha ...
我對佛說：讓我所有朋友永遠健康快樂~！ ;
I was telling the Buddha: Please bring health & happiness forever to all of my friends!
佛說：只能四天~！
The Buddha said: Only 4 days
我說:好,春天、夏天、秋天、冬天。
I said: Alright, spring, summer, autumn, winter
佛說：三天。
The Buddha said: Three days.
我說：好，昨天、今天、明天。
I said: Alright, yesterday, today, tomorrow.
佛說：不行，兩天。
The Buddha said: No way, two days.
我說：好，白天、黑天。
I said: Alright, daytime & nighttime.
佛說：不行，就一天~！
The Buddha said: No way, just one day~!
我說：好~！
I said: Alright.
佛茫然問到：哪一天？
The Buddha asked vaguely: Which day?
我說：在我所有朋友活著的每一天 ~！ ?
I said: Each day my friends live ~!?
佛笑了……說：以後你所有朋友將天天健康快樂~
The Buddha smiled and said: Your friends will be healthy and happy everyday ever after
看到此信息的人轉發給朋友，祝你的朋友們都是快樂健康~
source : unknown - got it from chained email
我對佛說：讓我所有朋友永遠健康快樂~！ ;
I was telling the Buddha: Please bring health & happiness forever to all of my friends!
佛說：只能四天~！
The Buddha said: Only 4 days
我說:好,春天、夏天、秋天、冬天。
I said: Alright, spring, summer, autumn, winter
佛說：三天。
The Buddha said: Three days.
我說：好，昨天、今天、明天。
I said: Alright, yesterday, today, tomorrow.
佛說：不行，兩天。
The Buddha said: No way, two days.
我說：好，白天、黑天。
I said: Alright, daytime & nighttime.
佛說：不行，就一天~！
The Buddha said: No way, just one day~!
我說：好~！
I said: Alright.
佛茫然問到：哪一天？
The Buddha asked vaguely: Which day?
我說：在我所有朋友活著的每一天 ~！ ?
I said: Each day my friends live ~!?
佛笑了……說：以後你所有朋友將天天健康快樂~
The Buddha smiled and said: Your friends will be healthy and happy everyday ever after
看到此信息的人轉發給朋友，祝你的朋友們都是快樂健康~
source : unknown - got it from chained email
08 May 2008
7 simple steps to Keyword Mastery & Search Engine Ranking
by: Dave James
Keyword Research has become an integral part of starting up your own business or growing your business (exponentially). Search engine marketing is here to stay for the long term, hence finding customers through keyword research should also be an integral part of your marketing.
Earlier, all you needed to do was to enter the description of your business in the title & meta tags and you were done with optimizing your web-site. Things have changed! And hence this article...
How does Search Engine Optimization (SEO) relate to keywords?
SEO is the process of increasing the number of visitors to your web-page by the careful and deliberate use of targeted keywords and their specific placements designed to get the page to show up on the top listing for such keywords. (SEO also includes other strategies not discussed here.)
TIP: Keyword Research is very useful to you when you decide to start a pay-per-click campaign to drive visitors to your website or increase revenue using adsense.
Here are the seven simple steps to keyword mastery that will cause your page to be indexed correctly by Search Engines and your link to be displayed at the very top on the search results page.
Step 1) Start with the most common words you use to describe your business(or your niche, if you operate in one). If you are in the automobile service business, you may have the following: Car Repair , Body Shop, Car Repair, New tires with car repair, Wax and Shine etc. If you actually have a niche business such as Jaguar Service And Repairs, then it becomes even more easier.
Step 2) Call your friend. Ask him how he would try to find your widget on a search engine if he lost your phone number and he wanted to look you up on the Internet. What if he forgot the name of your establishment? What if ....
Your perception of how people see you may be different from your customers' perception of you. Add these new words to the list.
Repeat this as many times as you can with different people.
Step 3) Find other words related to your original list. such as names of the brands. Lexus Repair, Lexus spare-parts, Honda kit, etc.
Mix and match keywords with your original list to find even more keywords.
Step 4) Go to google and run a search for your widget. See what keywords bring up your competition and what words do not. Add them to your list .
Step 5) Add plurals and common mis-spellings too.
Step 6) Figure out as to how often people search using each of the phrases you have identified in your list. You can use the google adwords tool for this purpose.
TIP: Use adwords tool to see how many people have searched for each of your phrases in the recent past. https://adwords.google.com/select/KeywordToolExternal . This also suggest keywords you might want to use.
Step 7) Make sure your keywords are placed in the following locations on you web page: Page Title, Meta Keywords, Meta Description, Header Tags, Alternate Description for images, First Paragraph on the page, strong Tags, Em tags, Ordered and unordered lists, Anchor Tags, File names, Folder Names, Footer Tags, Any URLs and links in your pages.
Should I use many keywords in the same page?
Yes. Use as many keywords as it makes sense. Don't overdo it. If your content becomes just a keyword trash-bin, users will start skipping over it and the search engines will catch on pretty fast. So avoid using too many keywords where it does not make sense. It's best if you have multiple pages offering up different keywords.
One caveat. You need to be aware of 'Keyword density'. Sometimes, if your usage of keywords is too high, and it looks like you have placed too many keywords, the search engine may not give you the best ranking. "Sprinkling" is the key-word when it comes to using them on each page.
You should also be aware of negative keywords. These are keywords you need to use in your PPC(Pay-per-Click) text so as to make sure that people do not click your link expecting to get freebies.
e.g. If you said : "Self Clearning Widgets- $500 and up", you keep out the people who are looking for cheaper stuff.
Are phrases better than individual words?
Depends! If your customer is searching for self-cleaning widget, then you should use self-cleaning widget. If your customer is searching for just widget, and auto clean, you should use these words separately.
How often do I have to check my keywords?
As often as you can. Your customers react to various influences around them and search for different terms at different times. To be able to remain on top with a good ranking you need to keep on top of your keywords. Sometimes they react to an offer made by a competition and start searching for similar offers.
I know. You are saying:"But I don't have that much time to devote to just keyword research." That brings us to the next question.
Do I have to do it all by myself?
I have had many websites in the past few years. In the beginning I did everything manually the old fashioned way.
Lately I've found a few tools that help make life easier for me, though you could do it all by yourselves if you had the time and the tenacity(which I sorely lack). I suggest you find yourselves a tool to do the work for you.
I use Keyword Elite now, though I've used WordTracker in the past.
Pick 1: Keyword Elite tool : If you really plan to take your business to the next level, this is a great tool. From generating your own keyword lists, to analyzing pay-per-click listings, to studying your competition, this one accomplishes quite a bit. This tool works with Google, Yahoo,MSN, Ask etc. It will save you tons of hours of wasted time and effort. Also, I like the fact that it is multi-threaded(lots of more power.)
WebSite: http://www.elitekeyword.net
Pick 2 : WordTracker: Offers a free, 'lite' version, as well as a paid version. Features include an online management system for different keyword projects, searching for often misspelled words, a system to calculate your best keywords, and much more. WebSite:Wordtracker.com/FreeWordtracker
Pick 3 : WebCEO :From a free version to a $389/- version this company has various options available. For small business owners, the $199/- version would be suitable.Go for the $389/- version if you have multiple web-sites running and your business model is solely online. Web Site: http://www.webceo.com/cgi-bin/go/clickthru.cgi?id=linkflow
What next ?
Use keyword research to identify the most likely phrases for your business.
Master keyword research just like I outlined in this article and create a massive list of targeted keywords.
Make a list of the 5 most promising keyword phrases.
Head over to your favorite domain listing / hosting company (eg. http://www.GoDaddy.com) and see if you can buy that phrase in the .com domain.eg. Self-cleaning-Widgets.com
Point your existing website to this url. If you don't have an existing web-site, create your new website using all the keywords you identified.
Submit your site to the search engines.
Happy hunting!
Copyright (c) 2008 Dave James
http://www.nobleriver.com
Keyword Research has become an integral part of starting up your own business or growing your business (exponentially). Search engine marketing is here to stay for the long term, hence finding customers through keyword research should also be an integral part of your marketing.
Earlier, all you needed to do was to enter the description of your business in the title & meta tags and you were done with optimizing your web-site. Things have changed! And hence this article...
How does Search Engine Optimization (SEO) relate to keywords?
SEO is the process of increasing the number of visitors to your web-page by the careful and deliberate use of targeted keywords and their specific placements designed to get the page to show up on the top listing for such keywords. (SEO also includes other strategies not discussed here.)
TIP: Keyword Research is very useful to you when you decide to start a pay-per-click campaign to drive visitors to your website or increase revenue using adsense.
Here are the seven simple steps to keyword mastery that will cause your page to be indexed correctly by Search Engines and your link to be displayed at the very top on the search results page.
Step 1) Start with the most common words you use to describe your business(or your niche, if you operate in one). If you are in the automobile service business, you may have the following: Car Repair , Body Shop, Car Repair, New tires with car repair, Wax and Shine etc. If you actually have a niche business such as Jaguar Service And Repairs, then it becomes even more easier.
Step 2) Call your friend. Ask him how he would try to find your widget on a search engine if he lost your phone number and he wanted to look you up on the Internet. What if he forgot the name of your establishment? What if ....
Your perception of how people see you may be different from your customers' perception of you. Add these new words to the list.
Repeat this as many times as you can with different people.
Step 3) Find other words related to your original list. such as names of the brands. Lexus Repair, Lexus spare-parts, Honda kit, etc.
Mix and match keywords with your original list to find even more keywords.
Step 4) Go to google and run a search for your widget. See what keywords bring up your competition and what words do not. Add them to your list .
Step 5) Add plurals and common mis-spellings too.
Step 6) Figure out as to how often people search using each of the phrases you have identified in your list. You can use the google adwords tool for this purpose.
TIP: Use adwords tool to see how many people have searched for each of your phrases in the recent past. https://adwords.google.com/select/KeywordToolExternal . This also suggest keywords you might want to use.
Step 7) Make sure your keywords are placed in the following locations on you web page: Page Title, Meta Keywords, Meta Description, Header Tags, Alternate Description for images, First Paragraph on the page, strong Tags, Em tags, Ordered and unordered lists, Anchor Tags, File names, Folder Names, Footer Tags, Any URLs and links in your pages.
Should I use many keywords in the same page?
Yes. Use as many keywords as it makes sense. Don't overdo it. If your content becomes just a keyword trash-bin, users will start skipping over it and the search engines will catch on pretty fast. So avoid using too many keywords where it does not make sense. It's best if you have multiple pages offering up different keywords.
One caveat. You need to be aware of 'Keyword density'. Sometimes, if your usage of keywords is too high, and it looks like you have placed too many keywords, the search engine may not give you the best ranking. "Sprinkling" is the key-word when it comes to using them on each page.
You should also be aware of negative keywords. These are keywords you need to use in your PPC(Pay-per-Click) text so as to make sure that people do not click your link expecting to get freebies.
e.g. If you said : "Self Clearning Widgets- $500 and up", you keep out the people who are looking for cheaper stuff.
Are phrases better than individual words?
Depends! If your customer is searching for self-cleaning widget, then you should use self-cleaning widget. If your customer is searching for just widget, and auto clean, you should use these words separately.
How often do I have to check my keywords?
As often as you can. Your customers react to various influences around them and search for different terms at different times. To be able to remain on top with a good ranking you need to keep on top of your keywords. Sometimes they react to an offer made by a competition and start searching for similar offers.
I know. You are saying:"But I don't have that much time to devote to just keyword research." That brings us to the next question.
Do I have to do it all by myself?
I have had many websites in the past few years. In the beginning I did everything manually the old fashioned way.
Lately I've found a few tools that help make life easier for me, though you could do it all by yourselves if you had the time and the tenacity(which I sorely lack). I suggest you find yourselves a tool to do the work for you.
I use Keyword Elite now, though I've used WordTracker in the past.
Pick 1: Keyword Elite tool : If you really plan to take your business to the next level, this is a great tool. From generating your own keyword lists, to analyzing pay-per-click listings, to studying your competition, this one accomplishes quite a bit. This tool works with Google, Yahoo,MSN, Ask etc. It will save you tons of hours of wasted time and effort. Also, I like the fact that it is multi-threaded(lots of more power.)
WebSite: http://www.elitekeyword.net
Pick 2 : WordTracker: Offers a free, 'lite' version, as well as a paid version. Features include an online management system for different keyword projects, searching for often misspelled words, a system to calculate your best keywords, and much more. WebSite:Wordtracker.com/FreeWordtracker
Pick 3 : WebCEO :From a free version to a $389/- version this company has various options available. For small business owners, the $199/- version would be suitable.Go for the $389/- version if you have multiple web-sites running and your business model is solely online. Web Site: http://www.webceo.com/cgi-bin/go/clickthru.cgi?id=linkflow
What next ?
Use keyword research to identify the most likely phrases for your business.
Master keyword research just like I outlined in this article and create a massive list of targeted keywords.
Make a list of the 5 most promising keyword phrases.
Head over to your favorite domain listing / hosting company (eg. http://www.GoDaddy.com) and see if you can buy that phrase in the .com domain.eg. Self-cleaning-Widgets.com
Point your existing website to this url. If you don't have an existing web-site, create your new website using all the keywords you identified.
Submit your site to the search engines.
Happy hunting!
Copyright (c) 2008 Dave James
About The Author
Dave James is a marketer/consultant with nearly 13 years of sales and marketing experience. Get your marketing questions/doubts answered free at his website.http://www.nobleriver.com
06 May 2008
How To Make Many Friends Easily
by: Ivan Campuzano
How to make many friends easily..
With every goal you have in life, people will always be a critical part of it. How fast you reach your goals depends on how well you deal with people and the level of influence you have on them. In order to really influence people you must become a person who is likable. How do you become likable? You must have a sincere interest in other people. Every person on this earth wants to feel important, so you need to treat everyone with the up most importance, because they deserve it. Remember no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone, we are all human beings who deserve the same amount of respect.
Becoming Likable:
Setting the Stage
Your goal in meeting people should be to consciously be the first to initiate and set the stage for conversation. Most people are hesitant to be the first, don’t be like most people step out of your comfort zone. I know that if you are a shy person that this can be one of the hardest things for you to do, but the more you do it, the more you condition your self for it to become second nature. As a small kid I used to be really shy but I noticed that the kids that where outgoing tended to be the happier kids so I began to step out of my comfort zone and now I feel I can walk up to almost anyone. This is going to take time; things don’t happen over night but don’t let this discourage you. Many people feel that for you to become proficient in something takes around five years. Don’t waste anytime, start today and each day after that will get easier. Each different experience will later serve as a reference to remind you, that you can approach almost anyone. By being the first to initiate conversation you also automatically have a certain degree of control, you are able to draw people into your own rhythms. Have you ever noticed how persuasive people are able to seduce you to their ways, dictating your body language and basically synchronizing it to theirs? This is because people naturally imitate other people as a way of communicating with the other person. So if you are the first you get to decide what angle to approach. So if the person you are approaching appears sad, approach them with a big confident smile. Odds are they will slowly begin to smile; you will automatically change their mood. Now you will have a better chance of having a better conversation.
In setting the stage you will need to train your self to pick up any subtle signals that the person you are approaching is giving off. With time you will be able to sum up a person in a blink of an eye and from what your subconscious catches use it help you set the stage. This will require you to have an open mind and immerse your self in as many different worlds/cultures as possible. That’s why I never limit my self to one particular set of friends. I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. I have friends who are skaters, basketball players, artists, musicians, writers, etc. By having so many friends with diverse interests I quickly learn about their worlds. By knowing what kind of stage to set up you will know how to get the other person to think very highly of you. For example by being observant you will catch the subtleties in the way a person appears to be (The way he is dressed, body language, tone of voice, language, etc.) which will help you to imagine placing your self in there shoes. By really imagining what being that person is like it will give you a good idea of how he/she is feeling. This in turn helps you get a better idea of what appproach to use when trying to communicate effectively with them. When I am able to pick up persons subtleties I will know what topics, questions, and general things that appeal to them which gives me information to work with in the process of winning that person as a friend. Like if know this person is really passionate about cars, I will ask a question with the minimum knowledge I have about something that he knows or thinks he knows a lot about.
Now you set the stage for Mike who will love to tell me exactly why the Mitsubishi EVO is better. When someone is knowledgeable about something it’s in their nature to tell you because it is one more opportunity for them to show how great or smart they are. You have to cater to their ego and never test or contradict their ideas, because their ego will not accept someone who is supposed to know less tell them they are possibly wrong. If I would have told him that I heard that the Subaru WRX is better, we would have just gotten in an argument that he would not have backed out of. But I didn’t and now they will love me for it, because I was taking interest into what he enjoys.
Body Language
Whenever you approach someone for the very first time your body language will do most of the talking and the other person will immediately have a first impression of you. So you must always be aware that whatever you say your body is also in agreement. If you say one thing and your body says the opposite you will come out as someone fake. We have all seen the girl that walks up to another girl and says “I’m so happy to see you…how you been?....you look so good…” but their body language is saying “what are you doing here….I’m not really listening to what your saying” this is easily seen and can be one of the rudest things you can do in trying to make new friends. Always approach someone with open gestures and a smile. If you approach someone with crossed arms, this will automatically make the other person defensive and question your motives. Approach them with open arms and a gentle smile, smiling is infectious if the other person has a stern look on their face the moment youapproach them with a smile you will gradually notice that they will smile too. This usually sets it up for a good conversation because both people are in good moods. Try this - if you’re in a neutral mood right now, put a big smile on your face for no reason if you pay attention you can feel your body changing and your mood immediately start to change. People who are in good moods will place a lot more importance to what you have to say.
Questions and Listening
Your next goal is to sincerely try to find out as much as you can about the person. Ask quality questions; find out what is important to the person, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. The key is to be sincere so the person feels comfortable and is more likely to open up. Try to have a calm demeanor refrain from being overly eager as this might scare the person. You must be able to match the mood of the person. If the person is excited to tell you a story you must become excited as well. If the person is telling you a sad story you must show sincere empathy. Be open minded and really listen to the person.
Listening: Try to listen at least twice as much as you talk. Listening requires more than just pretending to listen or simply hearing a person talk. Listening and hearing are two completely different things and the person can tell if you’re really listening to them, or simply hearing them speak. Being a good listener is a skill, you must become an active listener. Remember this is all about the other person, who cares if you don’t get to talk about your self. In the end the other person will love you for it. They will tell their friends
“Man I really enjoyed talking to that person”….why is that? Was he a very interesting person? “You know what…I really don’t know why…I really don’t know much about him”
This shouldn’t bother you because in the end you greatly benefited from the situation as well. If you’re an effective listener you will gain a better understanding of that person’s thoughts, perspectives, feelings and actions. You have to remember that most people would rather talk than listen, but most of the time this person is not very influential. Take this as an opportunity to become more persuasive and influential.
Sometimes the problem with most people is that listening to them doesn’t have much value. They feel that in order to get people to like them they must do a great deal of the talking. Think about that for a minute, how do you like it when another person is talking so much that when you try and say something they still keep talking. You eventually quit listening to that person because you got to annoyed. Now sometimes you don’t need to do most of the listening, you constantly need to evaluate the situation. Sometimes people really want to hear what you have to say. In this situation still try and get the other person involved and flip around the question that they just asked you.
People who talk too much
1. People always talk about them behind their backs
2. In group settings they feel they always need to say something just to feel like they are contributing.
3. Usually have very big egos
4. They ask questions that they already have the answers too
5. Because they are so focused on having something to say aren’t even listening to what someone is saying.
People Who Listen Effectively
1.Get the whole picture, than they can act accordingly.
2.Everyone loves a good listener so you will make tons of friends.
3.No one talks bad about you, who ever said “man that kid just loves to listen too much”
Good listening is going to really take effort. The reason is that people can think a lot faster than people can speak. What ends up happening is that you begin to think of other things as that person is speaking. Than you become consumed with those thoughts. Next thing you know the other person asks you “So than do you think I did the right thing”. You weren’t listening so you have no idea what to say. This is one of biggest turn offs in trying to become friends with that person.
Things to avoid when Listening
Don’t Interrupt
Because you have the upper hand by thinking faster than someone who is speaking, you will become tempted to interrupt. Don’t because the other person will get the feeling that you don’t care what they are saying and want to bring back the topic of conversation to you. The other person might also have great momentum going in telling you a story, but when you interrupt them their story doesn’t carry as much feeling when they go back to speaking. You also show that you are one of those people who enjoy speaking more than being a good listener. When you interrupt you are also making assumptions of what you think the other person is about to say. This might cause you to miss out completely different information. Because you interrupted them the other person might not even want to continue telling you about it.
Don’t Finish Other Peoples Sentences
Don't Offer Advice too Soon
Compliments + Appreciation
The way to make people feel important is through sincere compliments and appreciation. Most people go out their way to do something, to get other people to notice them, yet most people don’t. Get in the habit of noticing the little things about people. In the end the little things are what matter and what end up making a person unique so pay attention. Next time you see them, be the first to give them a sincere compliment on something even as simple as their hair cut. By making other people feel good about them selves you should also feel good for doing it, it’s a win win situation.
Many times people walk around with the mentality that other people owe them something, nobody owes you anything. Whenever anybody does anything for you show your appreciation and let them know you don’t take anything for granted. Be spontaneous get the person a small gift when they don’t expect it.
Encouragement
Once you find out what is truly important to someone you must provide encouragement. Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Be the one who encourages them to pursue their goals. Any insight or information that’s empowering will provide a boost to their confidence. Most people are so afraid of failure that they will not pursue their goals. They will give you all the reasons why their goals are out of reach. Your goal should be to switch their focus on the negative reasons to the ways how they can make it happen. You have to remember that whatever we focus on becomes our reality, so when you focus only on the negative aspects that’s all you will see. When they give you a reason why they can’t do it, ask them if that’s really a reason or a mere excuse. If they are excuses show them how destructive it is to be in this mental state. Make them realize that all their hopes and dreams are in danger all because of petty excuses. One of the best feelings you will get in dealing with people, is when you get another person excited about his goals or ideas. Now that the person is excited you need to point them in the right direction. Help them research the world they want to be in; find out as much relevant information. Help them create a plan and deadlines that will help them reach their goals. Start with small attainable goals, this will help them gain momentum and than move onto more challenging goals. By being active in the whole process you will build a deeper and more influential relationship with that person. He will not see you as a mere friend but as an ally in their journey to success.
Plan and Organize Social Events
One of the best ways to develop a meaningful experience with someone is through a social event. Whenever you participate in an event or trip your relationship with those people will become even greater. When I studied abroad in Prague I have never developed such strong relationships in such a short amount of time. I met people from all over the world and on the weekends we would take trips to other countries. On these trips I made incredible bonds, because everyone was on an adventure of experiencing new things together. Experiences are always magnified with more people involved. Just think about when you are watching a funny movie all by yourself you begin to laugh but than realize no one is there to enjoy the moment with you and your experience is quickly diminished .
I hope all these pointers will help everyone become more influential, take care and much success to everyone!
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
A recent Colorado State University graduate with a degree in Finance. While at CSU Ivan studied abroad for a semester at the School of Economics (VSE) in Prague. Prague was such an amazing experience for Ivan, that he decided to move back and pursue several of his dreams.Interests: investing,trading,reading,traveling,music,meeting new people,and looking for new opportunities.
How to make many friends easily..
With every goal you have in life, people will always be a critical part of it. How fast you reach your goals depends on how well you deal with people and the level of influence you have on them. In order to really influence people you must become a person who is likable. How do you become likable? You must have a sincere interest in other people. Every person on this earth wants to feel important, so you need to treat everyone with the up most importance, because they deserve it. Remember no one is better than you and you are not better than anyone, we are all human beings who deserve the same amount of respect.
Becoming Likable:
Setting the Stage
Your goal in meeting people should be to consciously be the first to initiate and set the stage for conversation. Most people are hesitant to be the first, don’t be like most people step out of your comfort zone. I know that if you are a shy person that this can be one of the hardest things for you to do, but the more you do it, the more you condition your self for it to become second nature. As a small kid I used to be really shy but I noticed that the kids that where outgoing tended to be the happier kids so I began to step out of my comfort zone and now I feel I can walk up to almost anyone. This is going to take time; things don’t happen over night but don’t let this discourage you. Many people feel that for you to become proficient in something takes around five years. Don’t waste anytime, start today and each day after that will get easier. Each different experience will later serve as a reference to remind you, that you can approach almost anyone. By being the first to initiate conversation you also automatically have a certain degree of control, you are able to draw people into your own rhythms. Have you ever noticed how persuasive people are able to seduce you to their ways, dictating your body language and basically synchronizing it to theirs? This is because people naturally imitate other people as a way of communicating with the other person. So if you are the first you get to decide what angle to approach. So if the person you are approaching appears sad, approach them with a big confident smile. Odds are they will slowly begin to smile; you will automatically change their mood. Now you will have a better chance of having a better conversation.
In setting the stage you will need to train your self to pick up any subtle signals that the person you are approaching is giving off. With time you will be able to sum up a person in a blink of an eye and from what your subconscious catches use it help you set the stage. This will require you to have an open mind and immerse your self in as many different worlds/cultures as possible. That’s why I never limit my self to one particular set of friends. I have friends from all sorts of backgrounds. I have friends who are skaters, basketball players, artists, musicians, writers, etc. By having so many friends with diverse interests I quickly learn about their worlds. By knowing what kind of stage to set up you will know how to get the other person to think very highly of you. For example by being observant you will catch the subtleties in the way a person appears to be (The way he is dressed, body language, tone of voice, language, etc.) which will help you to imagine placing your self in there shoes. By really imagining what being that person is like it will give you a good idea of how he/she is feeling. This in turn helps you get a better idea of what appproach to use when trying to communicate effectively with them. When I am able to pick up persons subtleties I will know what topics, questions, and general things that appeal to them which gives me information to work with in the process of winning that person as a friend. Like if know this person is really passionate about cars, I will ask a question with the minimum knowledge I have about something that he knows or thinks he knows a lot about.
Now you set the stage for Mike who will love to tell me exactly why the Mitsubishi EVO is better. When someone is knowledgeable about something it’s in their nature to tell you because it is one more opportunity for them to show how great or smart they are. You have to cater to their ego and never test or contradict their ideas, because their ego will not accept someone who is supposed to know less tell them they are possibly wrong. If I would have told him that I heard that the Subaru WRX is better, we would have just gotten in an argument that he would not have backed out of. But I didn’t and now they will love me for it, because I was taking interest into what he enjoys.
Body Language
Whenever you approach someone for the very first time your body language will do most of the talking and the other person will immediately have a first impression of you. So you must always be aware that whatever you say your body is also in agreement. If you say one thing and your body says the opposite you will come out as someone fake. We have all seen the girl that walks up to another girl and says “I’m so happy to see you…how you been?....you look so good…” but their body language is saying “what are you doing here….I’m not really listening to what your saying” this is easily seen and can be one of the rudest things you can do in trying to make new friends. Always approach someone with open gestures and a smile. If you approach someone with crossed arms, this will automatically make the other person defensive and question your motives. Approach them with open arms and a gentle smile, smiling is infectious if the other person has a stern look on their face the moment youapproach them with a smile you will gradually notice that they will smile too. This usually sets it up for a good conversation because both people are in good moods. Try this - if you’re in a neutral mood right now, put a big smile on your face for no reason if you pay attention you can feel your body changing and your mood immediately start to change. People who are in good moods will place a lot more importance to what you have to say.
Questions and Listening
Your next goal is to sincerely try to find out as much as you can about the person. Ask quality questions; find out what is important to the person, goals, beliefs, interests, etc. The key is to be sincere so the person feels comfortable and is more likely to open up. Try to have a calm demeanor refrain from being overly eager as this might scare the person. You must be able to match the mood of the person. If the person is excited to tell you a story you must become excited as well. If the person is telling you a sad story you must show sincere empathy. Be open minded and really listen to the person.
Listening: Try to listen at least twice as much as you talk. Listening requires more than just pretending to listen or simply hearing a person talk. Listening and hearing are two completely different things and the person can tell if you’re really listening to them, or simply hearing them speak. Being a good listener is a skill, you must become an active listener. Remember this is all about the other person, who cares if you don’t get to talk about your self. In the end the other person will love you for it. They will tell their friends
“Man I really enjoyed talking to that person”….why is that? Was he a very interesting person? “You know what…I really don’t know why…I really don’t know much about him”
This shouldn’t bother you because in the end you greatly benefited from the situation as well. If you’re an effective listener you will gain a better understanding of that person’s thoughts, perspectives, feelings and actions. You have to remember that most people would rather talk than listen, but most of the time this person is not very influential. Take this as an opportunity to become more persuasive and influential.
Sometimes the problem with most people is that listening to them doesn’t have much value. They feel that in order to get people to like them they must do a great deal of the talking. Think about that for a minute, how do you like it when another person is talking so much that when you try and say something they still keep talking. You eventually quit listening to that person because you got to annoyed. Now sometimes you don’t need to do most of the listening, you constantly need to evaluate the situation. Sometimes people really want to hear what you have to say. In this situation still try and get the other person involved and flip around the question that they just asked you.
People who talk too much
1. People always talk about them behind their backs
2. In group settings they feel they always need to say something just to feel like they are contributing.
3. Usually have very big egos
4. They ask questions that they already have the answers too
5. Because they are so focused on having something to say aren’t even listening to what someone is saying.
People Who Listen Effectively
1.Get the whole picture, than they can act accordingly.
2.Everyone loves a good listener so you will make tons of friends.
3.No one talks bad about you, who ever said “man that kid just loves to listen too much”
Good listening is going to really take effort. The reason is that people can think a lot faster than people can speak. What ends up happening is that you begin to think of other things as that person is speaking. Than you become consumed with those thoughts. Next thing you know the other person asks you “So than do you think I did the right thing”. You weren’t listening so you have no idea what to say. This is one of biggest turn offs in trying to become friends with that person.
Things to avoid when Listening
Don’t Interrupt
Because you have the upper hand by thinking faster than someone who is speaking, you will become tempted to interrupt. Don’t because the other person will get the feeling that you don’t care what they are saying and want to bring back the topic of conversation to you. The other person might also have great momentum going in telling you a story, but when you interrupt them their story doesn’t carry as much feeling when they go back to speaking. You also show that you are one of those people who enjoy speaking more than being a good listener. When you interrupt you are also making assumptions of what you think the other person is about to say. This might cause you to miss out completely different information. Because you interrupted them the other person might not even want to continue telling you about it.
Don’t Finish Other Peoples Sentences
Don't Offer Advice too Soon
Compliments + Appreciation
The way to make people feel important is through sincere compliments and appreciation. Most people go out their way to do something, to get other people to notice them, yet most people don’t. Get in the habit of noticing the little things about people. In the end the little things are what matter and what end up making a person unique so pay attention. Next time you see them, be the first to give them a sincere compliment on something even as simple as their hair cut. By making other people feel good about them selves you should also feel good for doing it, it’s a win win situation.
Many times people walk around with the mentality that other people owe them something, nobody owes you anything. Whenever anybody does anything for you show your appreciation and let them know you don’t take anything for granted. Be spontaneous get the person a small gift when they don’t expect it.
Encouragement
Once you find out what is truly important to someone you must provide encouragement. Everyone has dreams and aspirations. Be the one who encourages them to pursue their goals. Any insight or information that’s empowering will provide a boost to their confidence. Most people are so afraid of failure that they will not pursue their goals. They will give you all the reasons why their goals are out of reach. Your goal should be to switch their focus on the negative reasons to the ways how they can make it happen. You have to remember that whatever we focus on becomes our reality, so when you focus only on the negative aspects that’s all you will see. When they give you a reason why they can’t do it, ask them if that’s really a reason or a mere excuse. If they are excuses show them how destructive it is to be in this mental state. Make them realize that all their hopes and dreams are in danger all because of petty excuses. One of the best feelings you will get in dealing with people, is when you get another person excited about his goals or ideas. Now that the person is excited you need to point them in the right direction. Help them research the world they want to be in; find out as much relevant information. Help them create a plan and deadlines that will help them reach their goals. Start with small attainable goals, this will help them gain momentum and than move onto more challenging goals. By being active in the whole process you will build a deeper and more influential relationship with that person. He will not see you as a mere friend but as an ally in their journey to success.
Plan and Organize Social Events
One of the best ways to develop a meaningful experience with someone is through a social event. Whenever you participate in an event or trip your relationship with those people will become even greater. When I studied abroad in Prague I have never developed such strong relationships in such a short amount of time. I met people from all over the world and on the weekends we would take trips to other countries. On these trips I made incredible bonds, because everyone was on an adventure of experiencing new things together. Experiences are always magnified with more people involved. Just think about when you are watching a funny movie all by yourself you begin to laugh but than realize no one is there to enjoy the moment with you and your experience is quickly diminished .
I hope all these pointers will help everyone become more influential, take care and much success to everyone!
http://www.howtogetyourshineon.com
About The Author
Ivan CampuzanoA recent Colorado State University graduate with a degree in Finance. While at CSU Ivan studied abroad for a semester at the School of Economics (VSE) in Prague. Prague was such an amazing experience for Ivan, that he decided to move back and pursue several of his dreams.Interests: investing,trading,reading,traveling,music,meeting new people,and looking for new opportunities.
25 April 2008
Are You Building Your Life on The Concept of Separation?
by: Richard Blackstone
The creation of your life is analogous to building a house. Our spiritual growth tells us that we need a strong foundation for our life and the following spirituality information equates that premise to the building of a house as a way to see this with more clarity.
All right, let's get back on track because we are thinking up a new reality here. We are the builders of our lives, and just like the contractor who is constructing a new house, we need to start with a solid foundation. I want you to think about the house that you have been occupying up until this point in your life. The analogy we are looking for here is how you have structured your life so far. We are not going to make judgments; we are just going to make observations.
Our first observation is that most people who live unconsciously have structured a house that is built upon a foundation of the idea that we are separate from each other and separate from God. This is the foundation of thinking that most of the world has been told about since birth, conditioned to accept most of their lives, and that most of the people in the world believe. Remember, we are not making any judgments here, just observations.
Let us observe the construction process to see what happens when we build a structure on a foundational belief that we are separate from all people and things that we know of in this physical universe, including God.
The architect you use to build the structure of your life on a foundation of fear and separation is a God that is separate from you.
First of all, you are going to need some construction materials to begin the process of building the structure of your life. When you are building on a foundation of separateness, you see that all of your construction materials are separate from you. You don't seem to possess what it takes to build the structure of the life that you desire.
You need things that you don't have. Everything is external to you because you are separate from everything. So our first observation is that in order for you to build a structure, that you call your life, you need things. Because you need these things you must go outside yourself to get them. Why? Because you are separate from them. Okay, we can observe that and that is acceptable to us.
Now you must go outside of yourself to get the things you need in order to construct your life. We observe that some of the things you need are attainable and some of the things you need are not readily available to you.
Some of the things you need are hard to acquire because they are separated from you by distance or time or some other construction not within the scope of your talents or abilities at the time that you need them. This is not excluding the idea that you may be able to acquire them at another time or place, but there just seems to be some things that you can't get your hands on when you need them.
'
In other words, you fail to get what you need. Your failure to acquire that which you need is blamed on the idea that you are too far separated from that which you need, either by space, time, circumstance or any other variation of separation.
Well, this is a fine kettle of fish. You need something to build your life, but you can fail to fulfill your need. You don't have that which you need. Is there an insufficient supply of that which you need? It certainly looks that way. Well, let's go ahead and build your life with what you can acquire and maybe there will be a more sufficient supply of what you need later.
So now the structure of your life is incomplete. It requires something that you need but you failed to get because you are separate from the supply, which is insufficient for your needs. You still have a requirement for your need but no way, in the present moment, to fulfill it.
Is that fair? How are you supposed to build the structure of your life if you can't fulfill this requirement that is necessary to make your life complete? Is this God, who is your architect and from whom you are separate, somehow judging the structure of your life to be unworthy of giving you what you require? What kind of God, what kind of architect, is that?
Can you begin to see how this concept of being separate from God allows to easily fall into the trap of believing we need things in life that are unattainable? This is the natural consequence of believing in the concept that you are separate from God.
I have one question, “Does this serve you?”
The creation of your life is analogous to building a house. Our spiritual growth tells us that we need a strong foundation for our life and the following spirituality information equates that premise to the building of a house as a way to see this with more clarity.
All right, let's get back on track because we are thinking up a new reality here. We are the builders of our lives, and just like the contractor who is constructing a new house, we need to start with a solid foundation. I want you to think about the house that you have been occupying up until this point in your life. The analogy we are looking for here is how you have structured your life so far. We are not going to make judgments; we are just going to make observations.
Our first observation is that most people who live unconsciously have structured a house that is built upon a foundation of the idea that we are separate from each other and separate from God. This is the foundation of thinking that most of the world has been told about since birth, conditioned to accept most of their lives, and that most of the people in the world believe. Remember, we are not making any judgments here, just observations.
Let us observe the construction process to see what happens when we build a structure on a foundational belief that we are separate from all people and things that we know of in this physical universe, including God.
The architect you use to build the structure of your life on a foundation of fear and separation is a God that is separate from you.
First of all, you are going to need some construction materials to begin the process of building the structure of your life. When you are building on a foundation of separateness, you see that all of your construction materials are separate from you. You don't seem to possess what it takes to build the structure of the life that you desire.
You need things that you don't have. Everything is external to you because you are separate from everything. So our first observation is that in order for you to build a structure, that you call your life, you need things. Because you need these things you must go outside yourself to get them. Why? Because you are separate from them. Okay, we can observe that and that is acceptable to us.
Now you must go outside of yourself to get the things you need in order to construct your life. We observe that some of the things you need are attainable and some of the things you need are not readily available to you.
Some of the things you need are hard to acquire because they are separated from you by distance or time or some other construction not within the scope of your talents or abilities at the time that you need them. This is not excluding the idea that you may be able to acquire them at another time or place, but there just seems to be some things that you can't get your hands on when you need them.
'
In other words, you fail to get what you need. Your failure to acquire that which you need is blamed on the idea that you are too far separated from that which you need, either by space, time, circumstance or any other variation of separation.
Well, this is a fine kettle of fish. You need something to build your life, but you can fail to fulfill your need. You don't have that which you need. Is there an insufficient supply of that which you need? It certainly looks that way. Well, let's go ahead and build your life with what you can acquire and maybe there will be a more sufficient supply of what you need later.
So now the structure of your life is incomplete. It requires something that you need but you failed to get because you are separate from the supply, which is insufficient for your needs. You still have a requirement for your need but no way, in the present moment, to fulfill it.
Is that fair? How are you supposed to build the structure of your life if you can't fulfill this requirement that is necessary to make your life complete? Is this God, who is your architect and from whom you are separate, somehow judging the structure of your life to be unworthy of giving you what you require? What kind of God, what kind of architect, is that?
Can you begin to see how this concept of being separate from God allows to easily fall into the trap of believing we need things in life that are unattainable? This is the natural consequence of believing in the concept that you are separate from God.
I have one question, “Does this serve you?”
About The Author
Richard Blackstone is an award winning author and international speaker on Love, Oneness & Creation. Journey into discovery of Self by reading this FREE report; "The 3 Simple Immutable Laws of the Universe" at: http://www.NutsandBoltsSpirituality.com23 April 2008
Strengthen Your Intuition with Visualization
by: Iain Legg
Your intuition can be a powerful guide in any situation, helping you to avoid dangerous and detrimental experiences – or even leading you to the best opportunities to improve your life.
However, as with any skill, the strength and intensity of your intuition will fade with disuse. If you are not accustomed to consulting your intuition, you’ll need to work on strengthening it before you can use it as a reliable guide.
Intuition can be defined in different ways, but for the purposes of this article we’ll refer to it as the ability to perceive subtle clues from your environment that help you determine the best course of action in any situation.
Visualization is the process of seeing specific images in your mind – or in other words, imagination. That may not seem to have anything to do with your intuition, but a regular visualization practice can help you strengthen your mental focus, which will help you to more easily tune into your intuitive insights.
When you first get started, you’ll want to set aside a minimum of 15 minutes a day to visualize. It’s best if you can stick with the same time each day because you’ll train your mind to quiet down at that time.
When you’re ready to begin your first session, take a few minutes to first get very relaxed and calm. You might do some deep breathing to let go of tension and scattered thoughts, then turn your attention inward and focus on how your body feels. Pay particular attention to your solar plexus area, your chest, shoulders, and the center of your forehead. Do you feel any sensations of tightness or tension in these places?
At first you probably won’t feel anything at all; it will just feel neutral. Make a mental note about that feeling of neutrality because it’s the “default” state that you’ll experience when your intuition is not sending signals.
Then, call up a mental image of yourself feeling confident, centered, and completely in tune with your inner guidance. There are various ways you can picture this; you can see yourself in a turbulent situation feeling very connected and stable within; you can imagine that you’re a sponge, soaking up clues and insights from your surrounding environment; or you can even see yourself connected by a rope of light to the universe and imagine that intuitive insights travel down this rope and into your consciousness. Any way you choose to imagine it, be sure your mental vision includes an image of yourself feeling balanced, connected and tuned in.
Once you’ve got that image firmly embedded in your mind, be sure to carry it with you when you return to your normal routine. When you need to make a decision about something or find yourself in an uncertain situation, simply close your eyes and recall that mental image again. Focus on it until you once again feel in tune with your inner guidance, and pay attention to the areas mentioned earlier: solar plexus, chest, shoulders and the center of your forehead. How do these areas feel? When you’re receiving an intuitive insight, you’ll usually experience sensations such as tension, tightness, queasiness, tingling, or even temperature changes. Along with these physical sensations you’ll usually experience a hunch that lets you know whether a certain decision or situation would be beneficial or detrimental and you can act on that insight.
It will likely take time and practice to get used to listening to your intuition and learning to trust it, but it can be such a powerful tool that you’ll never want to be without it once you learn how to work effectively with it.
Your intuition can be a powerful guide in any situation, helping you to avoid dangerous and detrimental experiences – or even leading you to the best opportunities to improve your life.
However, as with any skill, the strength and intensity of your intuition will fade with disuse. If you are not accustomed to consulting your intuition, you’ll need to work on strengthening it before you can use it as a reliable guide.
Intuition can be defined in different ways, but for the purposes of this article we’ll refer to it as the ability to perceive subtle clues from your environment that help you determine the best course of action in any situation.
Visualization is the process of seeing specific images in your mind – or in other words, imagination. That may not seem to have anything to do with your intuition, but a regular visualization practice can help you strengthen your mental focus, which will help you to more easily tune into your intuitive insights.
When you first get started, you’ll want to set aside a minimum of 15 minutes a day to visualize. It’s best if you can stick with the same time each day because you’ll train your mind to quiet down at that time.
When you’re ready to begin your first session, take a few minutes to first get very relaxed and calm. You might do some deep breathing to let go of tension and scattered thoughts, then turn your attention inward and focus on how your body feels. Pay particular attention to your solar plexus area, your chest, shoulders, and the center of your forehead. Do you feel any sensations of tightness or tension in these places?
At first you probably won’t feel anything at all; it will just feel neutral. Make a mental note about that feeling of neutrality because it’s the “default” state that you’ll experience when your intuition is not sending signals.
Then, call up a mental image of yourself feeling confident, centered, and completely in tune with your inner guidance. There are various ways you can picture this; you can see yourself in a turbulent situation feeling very connected and stable within; you can imagine that you’re a sponge, soaking up clues and insights from your surrounding environment; or you can even see yourself connected by a rope of light to the universe and imagine that intuitive insights travel down this rope and into your consciousness. Any way you choose to imagine it, be sure your mental vision includes an image of yourself feeling balanced, connected and tuned in.
Once you’ve got that image firmly embedded in your mind, be sure to carry it with you when you return to your normal routine. When you need to make a decision about something or find yourself in an uncertain situation, simply close your eyes and recall that mental image again. Focus on it until you once again feel in tune with your inner guidance, and pay attention to the areas mentioned earlier: solar plexus, chest, shoulders and the center of your forehead. How do these areas feel? When you’re receiving an intuitive insight, you’ll usually experience sensations such as tension, tightness, queasiness, tingling, or even temperature changes. Along with these physical sensations you’ll usually experience a hunch that lets you know whether a certain decision or situation would be beneficial or detrimental and you can act on that insight.
It will likely take time and practice to get used to listening to your intuition and learning to trust it, but it can be such a powerful tool that you’ll never want to be without it once you learn how to work effectively with it.
About The Author
Iain Legg is now giving away powerful mind power secrets in his free ecourse. Discover the most powerful visualization exercise in the universe! Free mind power course reveals all at http://www.mindpowercourse.com22 April 2008
10 Bare Truths To Take Care Of Your Phobia, Fear Or Depression
by: Stewart Robertson
1) Your Emotional Issue Is Made Of Energy
When was the last time a brain surgeon opened up a patient and found his/her childhood memories, political opinions, or religious persuasion? Our memories, beliefs, values and, importantly, emotions are made of energy. So doesn’t it make sense to treat these with energy therapy?
For too long now talk therapy has been the medium of choice for psychological problems, instead of addressing the problem at the root cause. Your energy system. This is the modality of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), Emotrance, Sekhem, TAT(Tapas Acupressure Technique), and so on.
2) In Some Cases, It Is More Difficult To Overcome Your Issues If You Have A Spouse And An Intact Family Where a “normal” family structure is in place, there is often a support structure in place to maintain emotional problems. That is, the family is flexible enough in its behavior to accommodate the problem in many different ways, which accidentally advantage the sufferer. In this way the patient has constant positive reinforcement for holding on to the trauma, and thus becomes unconsciously reluctant to give it up.
3) In The Wrong Hands, It Can Be Unsafe To Cure Your Emotional Issue
In some cases, if some time has passed since your problem began, you should not seek treatment at a certain point in your life. Here’s why.
To successfully hold on to and relive a problem over a number of years is an achievement in itself. It requires an entire support structure to be in place. Small (but significant) changes, which accommodate the problem, are usually made by family, colleagues, loved ones, etc, and go unnoticed over time.
In the long term, you may have accepted yourself as a “trauma victim” or “traumatised”; it may be “who you are,” and part of your identity. If reinforced over a period of time, with enough dependency on others, the issue can be the lynchpin holding several aspects of your life together, no matter how dysfunctional or unuseful they may be. And to remove it could create an entirely new – additional - issue.
4) Your Issue May Be Masking Other Things
Ask yourself the following questions:
•What would you be focussing on if you didn’t spend time worrying about the symptoms of your issue?
•How would you be spending your time if you weren’t accommodating this problem?
•What’s the upside of holding onto this problem?
•What else was happening in your life the first time this problem happened?
What do you get out of holding onto this trauma? More attention from friends and family? Sympathy? Pity? Familiarity? Certainty? Routine? Like it or not, you will have to let go of any accidental benefits which you may be getting by holding onto your problem. Especially if it began a long time ago.
5) Traumatic Memories Are Only Memories To Your Conscious Mind. To Your Unconscious Mind, They Are Current Events.
We all have our own beliefs and identity, stored deep at an unconscious level. These are the ideas, accepted as truths, written on the walls of our mind. Often these are the teachings of parents, siblings, teachers, and other authority figures we take for granted. These writings on our walls tell us who we are when we get up in the morning. They tell us how to behave, attitudes to have, ways to react. They give us mental shortcuts to everyday decision making. Without them, we would very quickly become overloaded with the millions of bits of information we face with each day. Quite unconsciously, we are constantly looking at these writings on our walls, every moment of the day. We must constantly refer to them, to avoid continual and permanent trauma.
Interestingly, traumatic memories are stored as pictures on those same walls. Your unconscious mind has constant access to these pictures. Naturally, it wants to protect you, and warns you about anything in the outside world that could vaguely resemble those pictures. Importantly, once it recognises such a thing, your mind will trigger the same stress response and physiological reactions in your body AS IF THE ORIGINAL EVENT WAS HAPPENING AGAIN, NOW. As if it was a current event.
6) You May Be Missing Something…
We all live our lives dissociated to some degree. We have to. If we lived our lives constantly experiencing our deepest emotions we’d be unable to drive, have conversations, do business, and so on. To some degree, dissociation is useful.
However, this also means that certain aspects of your trauma, too painful to consider consciously, are hidden from view. And as long as they are, they will continue to trigger stress responses, outside of your awareness.
7) Sometimes We Confuse Who We Are, With What We’ve Been Through
Many times we confuse our identity - who we are - with an event that happened to us. The traumatic experience you had, happened to you, but it is not you. It does not define or describe you; it is not all of you; and it is not the last word on you. It is not the whole of your life’s experience, nor is it the last thing you will ever experience. Repeat after me: I am not the events which happen to me.
In the case of severe or ongoing issues, we can also confuse ourselves with the accidental benefits we derive from the trauma, e.g. pity, attention, comfort, reassurance, help to do tasks, etc. Over time a part of us can enjoy these things too much, and it becomes another reason not to let go of the issue itself.
8) “My How You’ve Changed Since I’ve Changed”
Every human being is a system. Change one part of that system and rest of the system will adapt accordingly. The same applies to families, colleagues, populations.
After any treatment, be aware of the small things that change around you. Loved ones; glances; gestures. But to notice them you must be looking for them.
9) Trauma Will Change You
Sometimes going through hell changes us as a person. But sometimes, it is required. Sometimes it is just life moving you, changing you into the person you need to be, by the only vehicle available at the time(or the only way life knows how).
Because the changes from a traumatic experience can be big, can’t they? They can move your whole world, in a very short time.
But when you go to the gym, you don’t make progress by lifting the easy weights within your comfort zone. And isn’t it true to say that when we come through trauma, we come out the other side knowing more about ourself as a person, more about who we are, and what we truly want in life? Going through trauma, although painful, ultimately helps us feel our wants, and come from that place.
10) Take Responsibility For Your Issues
Taking responsibility for your issue means first accepting it is a problem. It means being kind enough to yourself in the long run – the ‘future you’ – to take action and remedy the problem, now. It means accepting yourself, WITH the emotions the issue gives you, without judgment. It means knowing that the problem is just the current version of you, and giving yourself permission to heal it now.
You must be willing to take responsibility for your issue, take action, and forgive – both yourself and others.
Copyright 2008 Stress Clinic, http://www.stressreliefclinic.co.uk. Stewart Robertson is the author of the blueprint EFT Training Course: http://www.eftimmersion.com and is the commanding EFT Practitioner in Scotland. His EFT Scotland Newsletter is available at http://www.stressreliefclinic.co.uk/Newsletter.html
1) Your Emotional Issue Is Made Of Energy
When was the last time a brain surgeon opened up a patient and found his/her childhood memories, political opinions, or religious persuasion? Our memories, beliefs, values and, importantly, emotions are made of energy. So doesn’t it make sense to treat these with energy therapy?
For too long now talk therapy has been the medium of choice for psychological problems, instead of addressing the problem at the root cause. Your energy system. This is the modality of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), Emotrance, Sekhem, TAT(Tapas Acupressure Technique), and so on.
2) In Some Cases, It Is More Difficult To Overcome Your Issues If You Have A Spouse And An Intact Family Where a “normal” family structure is in place, there is often a support structure in place to maintain emotional problems. That is, the family is flexible enough in its behavior to accommodate the problem in many different ways, which accidentally advantage the sufferer. In this way the patient has constant positive reinforcement for holding on to the trauma, and thus becomes unconsciously reluctant to give it up.
3) In The Wrong Hands, It Can Be Unsafe To Cure Your Emotional Issue
In some cases, if some time has passed since your problem began, you should not seek treatment at a certain point in your life. Here’s why.
To successfully hold on to and relive a problem over a number of years is an achievement in itself. It requires an entire support structure to be in place. Small (but significant) changes, which accommodate the problem, are usually made by family, colleagues, loved ones, etc, and go unnoticed over time.
In the long term, you may have accepted yourself as a “trauma victim” or “traumatised”; it may be “who you are,” and part of your identity. If reinforced over a period of time, with enough dependency on others, the issue can be the lynchpin holding several aspects of your life together, no matter how dysfunctional or unuseful they may be. And to remove it could create an entirely new – additional - issue.
4) Your Issue May Be Masking Other Things
Ask yourself the following questions:
•What would you be focussing on if you didn’t spend time worrying about the symptoms of your issue?
•How would you be spending your time if you weren’t accommodating this problem?
•What’s the upside of holding onto this problem?
•What else was happening in your life the first time this problem happened?
What do you get out of holding onto this trauma? More attention from friends and family? Sympathy? Pity? Familiarity? Certainty? Routine? Like it or not, you will have to let go of any accidental benefits which you may be getting by holding onto your problem. Especially if it began a long time ago.
5) Traumatic Memories Are Only Memories To Your Conscious Mind. To Your Unconscious Mind, They Are Current Events.
We all have our own beliefs and identity, stored deep at an unconscious level. These are the ideas, accepted as truths, written on the walls of our mind. Often these are the teachings of parents, siblings, teachers, and other authority figures we take for granted. These writings on our walls tell us who we are when we get up in the morning. They tell us how to behave, attitudes to have, ways to react. They give us mental shortcuts to everyday decision making. Without them, we would very quickly become overloaded with the millions of bits of information we face with each day. Quite unconsciously, we are constantly looking at these writings on our walls, every moment of the day. We must constantly refer to them, to avoid continual and permanent trauma.
Interestingly, traumatic memories are stored as pictures on those same walls. Your unconscious mind has constant access to these pictures. Naturally, it wants to protect you, and warns you about anything in the outside world that could vaguely resemble those pictures. Importantly, once it recognises such a thing, your mind will trigger the same stress response and physiological reactions in your body AS IF THE ORIGINAL EVENT WAS HAPPENING AGAIN, NOW. As if it was a current event.
6) You May Be Missing Something…
We all live our lives dissociated to some degree. We have to. If we lived our lives constantly experiencing our deepest emotions we’d be unable to drive, have conversations, do business, and so on. To some degree, dissociation is useful.
However, this also means that certain aspects of your trauma, too painful to consider consciously, are hidden from view. And as long as they are, they will continue to trigger stress responses, outside of your awareness.
7) Sometimes We Confuse Who We Are, With What We’ve Been Through
Many times we confuse our identity - who we are - with an event that happened to us. The traumatic experience you had, happened to you, but it is not you. It does not define or describe you; it is not all of you; and it is not the last word on you. It is not the whole of your life’s experience, nor is it the last thing you will ever experience. Repeat after me: I am not the events which happen to me.
In the case of severe or ongoing issues, we can also confuse ourselves with the accidental benefits we derive from the trauma, e.g. pity, attention, comfort, reassurance, help to do tasks, etc. Over time a part of us can enjoy these things too much, and it becomes another reason not to let go of the issue itself.
8) “My How You’ve Changed Since I’ve Changed”
Every human being is a system. Change one part of that system and rest of the system will adapt accordingly. The same applies to families, colleagues, populations.
After any treatment, be aware of the small things that change around you. Loved ones; glances; gestures. But to notice them you must be looking for them.
9) Trauma Will Change You
Sometimes going through hell changes us as a person. But sometimes, it is required. Sometimes it is just life moving you, changing you into the person you need to be, by the only vehicle available at the time(or the only way life knows how).
Because the changes from a traumatic experience can be big, can’t they? They can move your whole world, in a very short time.
But when you go to the gym, you don’t make progress by lifting the easy weights within your comfort zone. And isn’t it true to say that when we come through trauma, we come out the other side knowing more about ourself as a person, more about who we are, and what we truly want in life? Going through trauma, although painful, ultimately helps us feel our wants, and come from that place.
10) Take Responsibility For Your Issues
Taking responsibility for your issue means first accepting it is a problem. It means being kind enough to yourself in the long run – the ‘future you’ – to take action and remedy the problem, now. It means accepting yourself, WITH the emotions the issue gives you, without judgment. It means knowing that the problem is just the current version of you, and giving yourself permission to heal it now.
You must be willing to take responsibility for your issue, take action, and forgive – both yourself and others.
About The Author
Stewart RobertsonCopyright 2008 Stress Clinic, http://www.stressreliefclinic.co.uk. Stewart Robertson is the author of the blueprint EFT Training Course: http://www.eftimmersion.com and is the commanding EFT Practitioner in Scotland. His EFT Scotland Newsletter is available at http://www.stressreliefclinic.co.uk/Newsletter.html
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