Marriage Joke

Before marriage....

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.

Power to the consumer

A 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.


Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1 - To make an appointment to see me.
2 - To query a missing payment.
3 - To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4 - To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5 - To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6 - To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7 - To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8 - To return to the main menu & to listen to options 1 through to 8.
9 - To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client,

A Wonderful Message by George Carlin

What a difference a sad event in someone's life makes.

Isn't it amazing that GEORGE CARLIN (hiswife recently died) - comedian of the 70's and 80's
- could write something so very eloquent... and so very appropriate.

A wonderful message by George Carlin:

1. The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
2. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less.
3. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.
4. We have more degrees but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, yet more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
5. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much , and pray too seldom.
6. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
7. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
8. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
9. We've added years to life not life to years.
10. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
11. We conquered outer space but not inner space.
12. We've done larger things, but not better things.
13. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
14. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
15. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.
16. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
17. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
18. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
19. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
20. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit “delete”...
21. Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
22. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
23. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
24. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
25. Remember, to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
26. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
27. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Wish you good health, happiness, and prosperity.
But my wish won't come true if you're not trying to afford it.

So, keep your spirit up, to face a new challenge in front of you. Give yourself promise that you will try harder and harder next year, so your wish and my wish for you will come true.

Happy New Year 2008

Hi, how are you today ?

Hi.. recently I didn't find anything interesting to post to this blog. And I'm really afraid that I'm disappointing all my blog reader. I'm serious :-)

But, in my opinion it's better not to post any article than posting a lot of garbage :-), although I can't make sure which is real garbage and which is valuable information in the point of view of my blog reader. Of course, you can help this by commenting at my post.

You know that my english isn't good, and I know it too.. :) And maybe that's why google analytics stats show me that 80% my visitor was bounced back when visiting my website at first time. That's a sad fact. But it won't make me to give up.

Life is for struggling, isn't it ? I believe that as long as I have hope and strength to keep going, I won't regret anything, and maybe I'll win someday and somehow. Life is working misteriously.
Maybe we'll face a lot of problem, but problem will teach us to make us better. And maybe we'll also stressed with problem. But for that, we just have to know that stress will keep stay in your mind because you allow it to stay.

Ok, enough for now. If you have any question, or if you only want to share your mind, you can contact me by various way. I won't give any email address because I can't tolerate spam. You can post comment and I will reply it by comment too.

Ok, then c u. Hope your life better and better.

It's what they do for a living!!!!

A little story for my blog reader :-)

A man walks into a market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a 25 cent coin in the air and catching it between his teeth.

As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.
A middle-aged, fairly unnoticeable man in a grey suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter.

He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market.Reaching the boy, the man carefully takes hold of the kid's balls and squeezes gently but firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the 25 cent piece, which the man catches in his free hand.

Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill-effects, the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him saying:
"I've never seen anybody do anything like that before - it's fantastic - Are you a doctor?"
"Oh, good heavens, no," the man replies, "I work for the Inland Revenue Department".

Test Your IQ

I got this email from my friend. :
In my opinion, this picture is just a trick... I don't know.. How about you ??

This is what he said :
"

If you see this lady turning clockwise you are using your right brain.

If you see it the other way, you are using left brain.

Some people do see both ways, but most people see it only one.

If you try to see it the other way and you can, your IQ is above 160 which is almost a genius.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE. BOTH DIRECTIONS CAN BE SEEN.
"
And this is the picture (if the picture isn't moving, try to click on the picture to enlarge it) :